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When things began to become more permanent, I found that my life was governed by the "good", and the "bad"
days. I had to see how I felt each day, before I could decide how I would spend my time.
I had to work out how I would
do things, how I would travel to places I needed to go to, allow extra times for each task, to allow for travelling, and for
undergoing each activity.
I felt that life was carrying on without me, that everyone else could plan their time in advance,
they didn't need to worry about how they would do things,they just got on with it, something I missed being able to do.
I
had to give up many of the things I enjoyed doing, as well as the things I didn't particularly like doing, but which needed
to be done.
I had to depend on others to help me, which meant asking for help, something which I hated having to do. Therefore
I was having to give up my independance.
Eventually I had to give up working altogether, I just couldn't do it anymore,this
therefore made me financially dependant as well. I felt cheated in a way.
My self esteem sunk to an all time low, my roles
had gone, I needed to find something which I could do, and do as well as I could at it.
I needed to find some ways of
working around my disabilities, and not let them control me.
I needed to accept my condition, and not just become resigned
to it. In all, I needed to get help from somewhere!
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